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Follow up post.

Yes my brain hurts very badly right now, mainly because of what I said about wishing to be a better person, and all that.  I just think I have a lot of shit to think about right now and I’m not so sure I want to.  On the plus side I did not have a panic attack at work last night, which is very good seeing as these panic attacks are really beginning to scare me.  If I can just work through them I can tackle some of the other issues that poison my mind.  However I’m not sure I want to fix some of these problems, possibly out of a fear for change, or just that these problems have been part of my life for so long I feel in some way connected to them.  Though these problems have never been as bad as they are now, I sleep less, hate more, and generally wake up wondering why I am not dead.

It just hit me as I was typing this up, I am not a complete wreck this morning and am in some ways looking forward to later tonight.  But things change of course and later tonight will most likely be a horrible disaster which will end in my mind collapses on itself.  Either way I shall watch TV with Mirian and buy sushi for us and try and maybe sleep?

Sleep won’t happen, but sushi and TV will.

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calibrizzi
C.A.Librizzi

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