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Why in the name of hell do I always fall for women in relationships? Maybe it is cause I know I can't have them. I don't know, I torture myself constantly with thoughts of a life that can never be. And then to add to this other cluster fuck of a situation in my life, this one girl is not only in a relationship she is the ex of someone I guess I'd have to call a friend. Back in high-school when the "friend" dated her I had never thought of her in anyway other than a person. Partly because I always felt she was way, way out of my league. We had reconnected several times over the years, each time while she was dating someone, boyfriends I always became friends with. The most recent re-connection changed my view on her.

Unbeknown to be this girl had moved in right around the corner with her new boyfriend. This was several months ago, I was of course drunk and high, ready to end my life. Taking one last walk I turned a corner to see her and her new boyfriend on the steps of their apartment building drinking and smoking, cigs and pot. We all began to talk, nothing unusual. A few drinks, a few hits and I got to know her new guy. Not really someone I care for. This were normal even after he decided to head to bed. Her and I left out on the steps drunk. Our conversation got dark, a lot of talk about our pasts, bad relationships, with partners and family. Soon we had to head out for a pack of smokes. Then we ended up at my house to kill off some bottle I had. Now things took a strange turn. At least for me.

She was taken in by my DVD collection. The bulk of which is all horror. Something I never knew about her in the years I've known her, she's a giant horror fan. Very attractive to me. Then the talk turned to my writing, my stand-up, how she always wished she could date someone like me. Then in was time to end the night. I went to walk her home when she kissed me and took my hand dragging me to the bay. Then the boyfriend showed up. Apparently he woke up and freaked when she wasn't there. We all walked back to their place, her holding my hand the whole time, then the night ended. Obviously I didn't kill myself that night.

Her boyfriend is beyond controlling and will not allow her to hang out with me, not unless he is there I guess. Cause I've seen them a few times and we've all talked, but as she has explained when they are alone he expresses his distaste for her and I speaking. Eh, whatever. Not like anything will come of this. Nothing ever comes of anything.



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